I have not written for ages. However, I don’t feel guilty at all. The few months since I wrote, I have been working on myself. It was a time when I was writing enthusiastically (and also because I love writing) despite being ill. Then it all got too much. I had set myself an unrealistic target of writing a post every day. I stopped. I was not respecting myself. So, the last few months have been about re-discovery and respect. I also went away for awhile in the summer and in the process, also got a chance to look at things from an objective perspective. So what did I find out?
1. Treasuring ourselves means loving every bit of ourselves– I was ill and there was a particular area from where this illness seemed to be springing from. Doctors could not find out what was wrong. I was in a panic. Then after a period of panicking, writing and trying to find cures, I realised the pain was coming from a part of my body that I did not like at all. In fact, I hated it and each time, I thought about it, I thought about it with repugnance. I started the painful process of re-wiring my brain and telling myself I loved all parts of my body. Then just as mysteriously the problem disappeared.
2. Pain is a process- In this process of loving, the key lay to my hatred of something within myself. My pain- both physical and psychological- pointed out where exactly it lay and what I had to do to change it. So I have learnt not to fly away from pain. Pain is a master. Of course, we need medical help but let Pain guide you to what needs to be done. As Khalil Gibran says, “Much of your pain is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self.”
3. Seeing everyone in ourselves– When I understood my pain, I also understood others’ pains. The human foibles that make us silly, the human hurt that make us cry and the human joy that makes us laugh- all are to be treasured. I found other ways of expressing my anger or disappointment that did not hurt me or others. I found ways of relating to others and also, very interestingly, a ‘lateral’ shift in the way I viewed problems and therefore a lateral shift in their solutions too. Suddenly my world became larger, softer and alive!
A Value Creating Life 