Tag: soul

spare change for the soul

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Research has revealed again and again that buying things does not make us happy. On the other hand, buying ‘experiences’ can make us really happy.  So for example, buying a piano might give you a great buzz and bring you attention from friends but playing that piano will give a greater and more lasting happiness. But the key is that you need love playing on a piano, otherwise nothing about the piano will give you happiness.  It will simply fill you with sadness each time you look at it, and it may even become something you can’t wait to get rid of.

According to an article in the Psychologist, ‘[the]… key to happiness is ‘identity expression’… i.e. Does a particular purchase express your personality and values? If it does, you are likely to feel happier.’  The author of the article says that a friend once said, “Happiness is being able to express who I am.”  So in other words, learn to know yourself thoroughly and then only give time and money to those things that enhance yourself.

Arian Huffington, the founder of Huffington Post, says that the key to happiness is knowing your limits.  This is another way of saying that the key to happiness is knowing ourselves fully (including our limits).  I used to think that running myself ragged, helping others would bring me happiness.  Fortunately I came across a Buddhist principle called Jigyo Keta which means happiness for ourselves and others, i.e. not one or the other other but both.  When we can respect ourselves truly, we can respect others truly.  Happiness just for ourselves is selfish and a ‘small goal’ while happiness that is just for other is martyrdom and sometimes not even wanted by the receiver.  Would you like to receive money from a street beggar?  I bet not.  But if you had some spare change, you could give that to the beggar.  So the key to happiness is knowing ourselves and then giving to others what we can give best.  A rich man can give away money, a musician can play for others and so on.  This is the contributive and balanced life.

Don’t run yourself ragged- always keep some spare change for your soul!

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Speaking lightly

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‘The voice does the Buddha’s work’.

Our soul is manifested through the words we speak.  We may be nervous, excited, happy or sad- our emotions cannot be hidden when we speak.  Despite different cultures and languages, we share the universality of human tones – we can identify grief, passion, anger or any other emotion spoken in any language.  I have travelled to 36 countries and  although I do not speak so many languages, I have always been able to tell the emotion behind the words.  Our voices can be used to admonish or to encourage.  Mostly it is the encouraging, warm tones of our voice that does the creative and good work.  Sometimes we are so keen to get our point across that we lose the listener’s heart.

Like emails, words cannot be taken back.  I have heard people lie because they have been embarrassed by what theyhave said in a fit and then do not want to acknowledge those words later.  Words can hurt and stay in another’s psyche long after the speaker has stopped saying them or disowned them.  Through being hurt, I have learnt myself to be soft with words, to speak lightly.

The most powerful thing I have heard about last words came from Benjamin Zander, the British born conductor and music Director of the Boston Philharmonic Youth Orchestra.  He was describing a lady’s experience of being in the Auschwitz concentration camp.  She was fifteen at the time and with her eight year old brother, on a train bound for the notorious camp.  Their parents had already been taken away separately.  In the train, the girl noticed that her brother’s shoes were missing.  She was angry at him, “You are so stupid.  Can’t you even keep your shoes?”  He did not reply, ashamed and she did not speak to him again.  She of course, meant the rebuke in a big sisterly fashion.  But those were the last words she ever said to him because she never saw him again.  When she came out of the camp alive, the only person from her family to have made it, she made a vow.  Her vow was to “never say anything that could not stand as the last thing [she] ever  said to a person”.

I thank this unknown woman for her wisdom learnt in harrowing circumstances and follow her spirit.

Not taking abuse

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Every night I do a simple prayer and shake my hands and shoulders- I ‘throw off’ any negativity that I have encountered, and I forgive others too.  This simple act has made my sleep much deeper and my mind calmer.  Sure there are days when everything does not go smoothly- I make mistakes, my colleagues make mistakes, I lose my cool, they lose theirs, I hurt someone and someone hurts me.  That is real life- jostling away and entering the rough edges of our being, smoothing them and making us more aware of life.  We can’t avoid such interactions- physically, mentally or digitally.

Yet, if we allow abuse to sit with us all the time, in time it will deaden our souls and hurt us. Forgiving ourselves and others and going through life ‘lightly’ will help us to sharpen our creativity and make us stronger.  Travel light, travel calm and do not spend your time looking for revenge or wallowing in negativity- the law of cause and effect will take care of everything.  The abuser will suffer in some way but that is not your responsibility or your worry.  As the Buddha said to a Brahmin who asked him about abuse, “If I do not accept the abuses you hurl at me, then will these not return to you and become your own?”

Soul food

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Today I visited a hospital as part of my work.  I went around the whole building from outpatients to operating theatres, clinics to wards  (by the way, thinking about it, what strange names form part of a hospital!)  Health is one of our greatest gifts, even our greatest gift- something we do not realise until we fall ill.  Physical and mental health are part of ourselves that may be treated by doctors.  But what about our spiritual health which rules both our physical and mental health?

Our spiritual health can only be treated by ourselves.  It is the most difficult to treat.  Some people say that they have no religion.  Where they have religion or not,  everyone has their own philosophy of life that is part of their spiritual make-up.  I was reading about ‘Soul food‘, which is separate from kind of food we eat that nourishes our bodies and minds. Soul food is for the spirit.  The soul or spirit needs food and exercise to be healthy just like our physical and mental selves.  ‘Soul exercises’ are the troubles and tribulations we go through in life that expand our life states and make us more capable.  Soul food can be many things that nourish us-

1. Love and support from your loved ones- like heart warming conversation or soul stirring advice.

2. Love and support that you give yourself- like a gentle best friend who encourages you.

3. Inspirational books, music, art or films that you see- here someone else’s soul touches your soul.

4. Cutting out negative influences- leaving toxic relationships, disregarding critical messages from your childhood and from others; and any other negative external influences.

5. Soul exercise- it could be your hobbies, some great food you cooked, some work you enjoyed, the child you soothed with calming words or songs, the kind words you said to a friend, a challenge you solved, a serious illness you overcame with cheerfulness and joy- anything that you give from your soul!

If we don’t feed and exercise our souls, we cannot live a full life.  We know this from meeting people who are are physically ill and yet, we find, they could be the ‘life and soul of a party’.  It is not the mere absence of illness that makes us healthy, it is the absence of a spirit to live that makes us unhealthy.  As Nichiren wrote:

“Life is the most precious of all treasures. Even one extra day of life is worth more than ten million ryo of gold.”

(If you are ill and struggling, I recommend the book, Love, medicine and miracles by Bernie Siegel, M D which has real examples where people overcame many health problems with a strong spirit supported by proper medication and health professionals)