The power of saying ‘I don’t know’

There is much we don’t know about.  While we may know about our own lives and that of close family and friends, our area of work or what is happening near where we live, there is much going on that we don’t know about.  It is good to be curious, good to listen to others and good to learn about new things.  Recently I have become a convert to saying, ‘I don’t know’ after years of saying, ‘I know’.

The reason comes from a childhood incident when a teacher told me I was stupid because I confessed that I did not know the words to a Christmas carol by heart.  I was being truthful but was upset when this woman declared that I was stupid in front of all my classmates.  So I started saying ‘I know’ to everything and saying ‘Yes’ to everything.  Both are stupid reactions but how is a child to know?  I carried this shame and reaction in my heart for many decades although I had long left that school and teacher.  It is only now that I realise that saying ‘I know’ is actually stupid.  There is very little we know and most of what we know is of little importance. It is better to be humble and look at the world with new eyes of learning and gratitude.  It is also such a release. When you say, ‘I know’, you are also waiting to be found out that you actually don’t know. So less stressful!

It is also so powerful to say this because you open your heart to new experiences, to be able to listen and to gain knowledge.  Even if you find out later that you knew something, it still adds to your skill and knowledge to hear it from someone else.  Most people are keen to talk and tell you something.  So the ‘I don’t know, please tell me’ has actually increased my knowledge and I have made more friends by being able to listen.  It doesn’t sound unprofessional at all- in fact it makes you look more professional by wanting to listen and understand colleagues.  Social media wants you to look like an all-knowing clever (and barbed) quip-a-dozen personality.  But opting out of that restriction is always an improvement to one’s life!  Be simple, be ignorant- or to follow the quote beloved of Steve Jobs, ‘Stay hungry, stay foolish’.

Brain power

Pigeon 2008.jpg

This is a sketch I made of my son aged 4.  The drawing was made using my left hand- I am right handed.  Apart from the facial features, all the other lines were drawn continuously without lifting the pen.

Using your less dominant hand and drawing in a different style boosts your creativity. It also lets you look at the world differently.  All the ‘mistakes’ in the drawing lend it a special touch and bring a portrait to life, as seen by another side of your brain.

17 minutes

17 minutes are what is needed for your brain to completely focus on something or relax- our brain works in 17 minute cycles.  This summer, my sons and I went on 17 minute breaks during our trip to Venice to either pause and reflect on what we had seen or experienced or to take a ‘sketching break’.  This is one of my 17 minutes sketches from Murano-

Burano2

Tourists busy taking selfies, stopped to watch us sketching. In this harried world where photographing oneself is more important than observing things, they were perhaps surprised to see two boys (one in his late teens), sketching.  Bad moods and waiting times were happily passed by these moments.  Below is another one from Torcello, done while waiting for a boat to take us back to the hotel.  People were respectful and thoughtful.  One of them even started ‘crowd control’,  to make sure that I had a clear view- this without saying even one word!  How powerful is that?!

Torcello

My sketch book has been travelling with me and my children since then.  I think we have learnt a powerful lesson- that creativity is power!  You don’t have to sketch but you can write or even relax.  In the corporate world, people are taking 17 minutes breaks after working for 52 minutes (not sure where that comes from!).  Ted talks are also that length so that people focus.

The mirror

IMG_3136

How we see ourselves is very different from how others see us- this continually surprises me.  Do we really see ourselves as we are or see ourselves as powerless, ugly or even useless?  Or, do we see ourselves as powerful, beautiful and creative?

This week I have been down with several health problems to add to my chronic illness.  I have felt let down by the medical system which prescribes drugs without checking the effect on a patient with long term conditions.  And I have been angry and felt useless- unable to work.   I felt ugly too.  At times I sat and stared at the screen, or at a piece of paper without as much as typing or writing a single word.  To inspire myself, I wrote to a colleague who is struggling with cancer which seems to come back again and again.  She has to wear a ‘bag’ to drain liquids and go for chemotherapy at least once a week.  Yet to me, she looks lovely and elegant.  I asked to interview her about how she balances work and health and looks so fabulous. I thought this might inspire ( or even kick) me back into work.

My jaw dropped when she wrote back to me, ‘One of the things that I would love to talk to you about is how you balance being a high-achieving woman with your health issues.’ What, me?!  Was she really talking about me?  It took me some time for this to sink in.  I wanted to protest- ‘No that is not me, you’ve got it all wrong!’  Then it occurred to me that perhaps she might have thought the same way about herself when she got my email.  That she looked at me very differently from how I saw myself.  That we might be seeing mirror images of each other- each person thinking that the other was somehow better or more fortunate.  Yet we are both powerful, beautiful and creative.  That I had done for her what she had done for me.

So this is what I now do.  I keep a small pocket mirror near me and whenever I feel down, I look at my reflection say,  ‘You are powerful, beautiful and creative!’  This is very powerful and magical!  As Nichiren says, “When you bow to a mirror, the reflected image bows back”.

how to channel your creativity

I had heard a Tedx talk sometime back from Elizabeth Gilbert, the best selling author of ‘Eat Pray, love’ about ego and creativity.  After the runaway success of her first book, she had many doubts about herself and her creativity when her second book did not do so well.  In the end, she decided to remove her ego from the equation, and thought of herself instead as a channel of universal creativity and power.

When one starts to think about praise, failure, prizes or those sorts of external motivations in connection with creativity, one can become disheartened and fearful.  Today, while at a restaurant that keeps books for browsing, I discovered that Turner made 19,000 drawings in a lifetime of 76 years- a massive output.  He wasn’t thinking of fame or longevity when he was painting- he was only channelling a huge creative power and displaying it to the world.

Creativity is about overcoming the terrible barriers that not only ego and fear place before us but also of those that our unique life places before us.  An exhibition featuring new works by the American artist, Dale Chihuly, opened this week in London.  Dale works with glass but now is working with acrylic with great swirls of paint, displaying his inner spirit and resilience.  Dale is partially sighted, having lost one of his eyes in a car accident and also has a shoulder injury.  He lost his only brother in childhood and a year later, his father.  But he carried on searching for a way to express his creative power and found that with the medium of glass.  Dale describes his role as an artist as “more choreographer than dancer, more supervisor than participant, more director than actor.” Below is one of his new works.

IMG_3348

These words from Dale really moved me and I share these with you all kindred creative spirits! You all have the access to the same power once you let go of the ego.

‘Somebody said that people become artists because they have a certain kind of energy to release.  That rings true of me. It must have an outlet. That is why I draw!’

IMG_3346

The power of No

We are living longer and there are more old people than there were before. However, our perception of a youthful culture is a vision distorted by advertising and media. Sometimes, one can look at these images and imagine that one can do anything. In fact you are even told that one can and should try to do everything even though one is older. I was looking at my photos of youth and compared them to what I look like now. Although I love myself- young and old and have no regrets about how I have lived my life, I definitely know that I have less energy than I had 20 years ago. My time has become very valuable and this is now the time for the most powerful word that I can use. Yesterday, I had stupidly made an arrangement for entertaining someone. I felt dreadfully tired. I know that 20 years ago, I would have gone to the opening of an envelope but now saying ‘No’ is the best thing I can do. So reluctantly I rang up and cancelled the arrangement after apologising. I realise that what I could do years ago is not the reality now and now the best word I can use for respecting myself and my body is a ‘No’.

Three easy ways of Brain training

671-02096214

Summer is here and we feel quite lazy, looking forward to holidays and quality time.  But summer can be the ideal time to do brain training, along with physical training.  Here are three easy ways-

1. Use the hand that you don’t write with- so if you are right handed, use your left one to do tasks that you might do with your right, even writing.  This helps the brain to make new connections and think differently.

2. Learn another language- if you are travelling somewhere, try to learn and speak at least some of the words and phrases that you may hear.  Try to speak it too. Again, it has been shown that learning languages helps you become smarter.

3. Sleep more- Sleeping rejuvenates our brains and body.  It has not been found out exactly why we dream but some say that it helps to process our thoughts, questions and emotional issues.  You may find that you can work better with a short siesta of 20 minutes in the afternoon- many eminent scientists have used this technique.