Our early and later relationships in life can be shaped by our childhood. People we are attracted to could be either opposite or similar to our parents or any significant person in our early lives. It is only when we begin to move away from these ‘types’ and start to look for what makes us happy, then only we find people and things that do. Marie Kondo, a Japanese organising expert, has started a trend to keep things that only ‘spark joy’ rather than concentrate on throwing things that we don’t like. It is always better to go to things we love rather than run away from what we don’t like. When we run away due to fear, we do not notice anything else- even things that might be good for us. Its like we are running in a dark forest without the ability to pick or choose our paths. This is a fight or flight reaction. Note that it is a reaction rather than a pro-action. It is a situation where we are not in control.
But finding that calmness where we can decipher what is good for us or not, can take many years and decades to find. It is only now, I find that I am much happier and able to find things and people who ‘spark joy’ in me. It is not that I am not my parent’s child any more but it is more that I refuse to live by the past. Of course, I wish that this had happened much earlier but then that is life. This is when it was meant to have happened and I am grateful that at least it has happened. Now days, I am quicker to find joy and move on quickly from people that don’t bring me joy. And strangely enough, I find that even people who I did not get along with in the past, are people I can now tolerate or even like. By finding joy within, I am finding joy outside.