I found some surprising research and inspirations on commonly held assumptions about human relationships and thought I should share them with you. Some of these come from the University of Westminster research by Dr Viren Swami and some from my own, sometimes bitter, experiences. However, having made some of these mistakes, I realise they are so true.
1. Absence makes the heart grow fonder
Despite the internet and mobile communications, it has been proven that the most of our closest relationships happen with people in our immediate surroundings, people we keep in touch with and meet regularly. Even in romance, the chance electrifying encounter won’t make it into a relationship, if both parties do not make physical contact and keep up that contact.
2. Opposites attract
The idea that there is our better or even other half somewhere (the ‘one’) that make our existence complete is not true. In fact as Buddhism notes, we are the mirror and we attract people who are similar to us. So if you are angry, you will attract an angry partner. So change yourself before you seek the ideal partner.
3. We choose partners who remind us of our parents NEITHER True nor false
Choice of partner is a complex issue. Yes, we may be attracted to someone who reminds us of a parent but whether we stick with them is dependent upon point 2. Appearance is only a small part of what the relationship is.
4. Its okay to idolise a person that you love
Idolising someone actually dehumanises and objectifies them. The person you have idolised becomes part of that lie and then if they make a mistake or hurt us, we are so shaken that our whole world collapses. We must remember we are all human and we all make mistakes- so do remember to forgive!
5. People cannot change
People change, they grow old with their experiences. Sometimes they change for the better, sometimes for the worse. Always be open to people changing and to yourself changing. If you don’t like that change and cannot be part of that, it is better to move on rather than expect people to conform to you. Even relationships, sadly, have a lifespan. So go through life lightly, forgiving and moving towards love and happiness.