Small mercies

This following quote caught my eye- “Never give meaning to a little act of sweetness for it might give you a wrong impression as well as expectation”.  I could not find the author of the quote but this struck a huge chord with me.

The reason is that being a sensitive and empathetic person, I have often attached immense meaning and gratitude to anything that has been done for me.  I have thought about it for days,  attached more significance to it than necessary and sometimes even forgotten what I have done for that person.  In fact, with one particular person I felt so ridiculously grateful for something that was most likely to have been a coincidence rather than deliberate help  that I ignored his later bad behaviour.  I used to put down my own contributions and disrespect my own needs.  Not anymore, though.  I have changed.

Recently for instance, this person was rude to me again, assuming that his past ‘act’ was enough to over rule this latest transgression.  I did not say anything  (I am beyond arguing or challenging) and I was surprised and empowered to feel my own reaction.  I felt proud and tall and this is why-

1. I am confident in myself: Although I remain the sensitive and empathetic person I have always been, I am no longer a doormat.  I am still grateful for the past and for people who help me but I see everything in its present context and respond appropriately.

2. I cannot change anyone- I remember that I cannot change anyone but myself so if the person is rude, that is their problem. I do not have to be in their company, listen to them or even be rude back.  I have the right to walk away.  It is their prerogative to change- it is not for me to wish they were different.

3. Feel grateful for what I am today- Many different people contribute to our lives, for instance how many times do we think about the person who grew the wheat, who ground it, who baked the loaf and who brought the bread to us that we eat? I send prayers to all, staying clear and clean of those who disrespect me and expect the world because they have done something small for me a long time ago.

And yes, I am very grateful for the unknown person who wrote that quote but if they turn out to be rude and disrespectful to me if I should ever meet them, then I would just say a small prayer and walk on.

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